Super Friday (Not Saturday)

Still feeling really tired....but it's a better tired I guess. I woke up at a decent time today!!!!!! I was so proud of myself. Now I'm hanging out with Lehi, and it's fun but I keep almost falling asleep on his shoulder. Poor guy. As always, missing David. He hasn't answered his phone, he only texted me once yesterday, and other than that I haven't heard from him since Sunday. Last Sunday. I can't wait for Latin dancing tonight. I'm really excited about dancing with all the different guys I hope to see there tonight :) But at the same time, I'm worried about things not working out with everything. I keep feeling shut out, like there is something I keep doing wrong, when I only want to learn. I don't mean to be a problem, but I also don't want to be controlled by other people's actions. Lots going on, too little thought, too many headaches. Everything in my head hurts, and it's a pain in the head (haha) trying to study at all. Making me frustrated, but at this point, I guess it's normal. What to do, what to do. Yeah. Today has been fun so far, watching Ghost Whisperer with Lehi, and half being asleep on his shoulder. Who knew THAT would turn out to be such a nice experience haha. My roommies have been in and out of the apartment all day...I'm thinking one more episode of Ghost Whisperer, then BOWLING haha. After that, who knows? Then of course Latin Dancing...I GET MY SHOES TODAY :D I'm so excited. But that's all the way at seven. Can I even wait that long? Maybe I should do homework...yeah that's something I really need to do, but right now I don't know how to manage it all. We'll see how it all goes. Yay for me. Maybe two episodes of Ghost Whisperer then bowling...that way there will be less time to wait to go dancing haha :)

Feeling Really Cruddy

Talk about insomnia. All right now, I can't focus on anything... really I just want to go and do some homework, but I don't have a clue how to actually focus enough to DO it. It is really getting frustrating. I just want to write, do, something good for once today. It's just a mess of stuff that does NOT make a bit of sense. I need to fix my life. Now. Today. But I can't figure out how to actually do it instead of just talking about it. I have issues.

WHAT THE HECK

This is such an awful day. Week. Life. WHATEVER :( I just missed two classes over a nap that was supposed to be 20 minutes long, and I still feel absolutely sick to my stomach, and just plain awful. Everything today has just gone wrong. I woke up, and got ready, and thought I had a couple minutes for a nap. Instead, I slept an extra 2-3 hours. D: It was terrible! I woke up, feeling sick to my stomach, and again sick with the sensation of post nasal drip (maybe), a migraine (still), and congestion (still). This migraine has been going on since Wednesday night, last week, and I have been sick and congested since...I have no idea when. It has been awesome. NOT. :( Jeezums. I can't wait to be done with this.

My terrible Tuesday

Seriously, today has been one of the worst days ever. I'm trying so hard to look forward to Friday, cause then I'll be going Latin Dancing, and I love it. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, cause it's Swing dancing. I'm learning a lot, and loving this place, but so dang frustrated that my dreams are not reality. I want David. It's like a mantra inside my head. Nothing else is getting room for thought, and it bugs me that it's that way. I miss him, and I can't even talk to him. When I started this semester, I was worried because I was doing badly cause David and I had had a fight. Now I'm doing badly cause I think we've had another one except we haven't. I miss him like crazy and I want him just as much. He was supposed to call me twice today. Did he call either time? NO :( Yeah, there's my rant about David.

Then I'm frustrated for my friend Ryan. Poor guy, he had his Facebook hacked, and the person hacking it did a lot of bullcrap. He changed Ryan's picture to a reeeeeeeeeeeeally offensive pornographic picture. Way wrong. I was so upset for Ryan, and worried when I didn't know what was going on. Poor guy.

Then I'm upset about my poem. I like it but I hate it. I want to write so much, it's all teaming up inside my head, but nothing is making sense. All these images, for all these different things, and so far I can't straighten it out. Heck, I just wrote this, and I want to write about the teaming images. My mind is a crazy slate that I can't figure out.

On top of all of that, I have a psychology exam coming up, and I want to do well, and I want to study, but I don't know where to start! Everything seems so overwhelming. My toilet overflowed, my budget won't add up, and everything is just a mess :( Tomorrow is clean-check day, so I have to be sure my bed is made nicely, or it won't pass inspection. I have to be to Psychology early, and I really hope things are okay with that. My Book of Mormon class is awesome but I don't know where to start with the next poem for that. I'm trying so hard, and I don't ever feel like I'm trying hard enough.

I see my roommate Nancy every day, studying, doing homework until there isn't time left in the day, and I just have to feel bad that I'm not doing more. I'm working, hard, really I am, but I don't know how I will handle this and working next semester. I have to do better. I must. It's like another separate but equally insistent mantra in my head. I keep thinking things will work out, and everything will make sense, but it hasn't hit me yet. I wish I had a freaking clue.