Thursday, more poetry, more David

Okay so today my favorite class of the day is cancelled so I have to worry about what I am doing during this time. It's a little intimidating sometimes to be in my poetry class about the history of poetry. There are some dang good poems in the history of poetry, and I have no chances against people like Emily Dickenson and Robert Frost. Dunne, Marvell, everyone. It's insane. I really love the great works, I just find it intimidating. My poetry for the poetry retreat was denied, and I really feel awful about it. I wish my stuff was good enough to be one of the 15 accepted instead of one of the 35 denied poets for this retreat. I love poetry. I want to hope to be good, really good. I just don't always feel confident about my poetry.

It's how it goes, I guess. I am also kind of tired and frustrated when it comes to David again. He is so sweet still, but he is also all over the place with showing me how much he cares about me. It's amazing how he keeps trying to prove himself to me all over again. I am not sure I want it to stop. I can always appreciate the love he gives me. I love how I fell asleep on the phone with him. To me, that is a really intimate act. I loved sleeping in his arms when we hung out at his house, and falling asleep on the phone is the best next thing since he's so far away. It's like I'm Lehi and he's me, with the entire relationship with me and Lehi. It was alllll over the phone. I don't know what exactly I am going to do until summer comes around. He's so wonderful, and we were always so good together. I just want to scream it to the world, how happy I am and sad I am all at the same time. Why did we have to reconnect this way NOW when I am thousands of miles away? I feel ridiculous about it all. I want him. I want him a lot and I think it would work out soooo much better if this was happening like say two years from now :( He's only 17, and that doesn't bug me when it comes to us dating, but it bugs me when I think of things like getting married. I love the idea. I am so scared by the idea. I don't know, he's so wonderful to me, and I just keep thinking how obvious I am about how much I love him. He was really sweet yesterday, he said how he would take a billet for me and he wouldn't let me put myself in danger when I said I would do the same for him. It's such an odd relationship.